Personal values are what you believe in. They help you establish goals that are meaningful to you and drive you to achieve them. Personal values play a key role when faced with big life decisions. When we make decisions that align with our personal values, we feel good. On the other hand, choices that go against our personal values may leave us feeling regretful, unhappy, and depressed. I look at it as being true to myself. And let’s be honest here if you cannot be true to yourself, can you really be true to anyone else?
How personal values affect our choices
Before I was pregnant with my first child I really valued my work and career. I was willing to work many hours and it never bothered me. However, once I was pregnant my values changed. Yes, your values will change depending on what stage of life you are in.
I still valued my work and career, but my new family member was also a value. If I were to continue working the hours I was used to I would have no quality time with my newborn son. All of a sudden, I was faced with a choice.
Fortunately, my employer is very family-friendly and they allowed me to drop my working hours so that I could have a little balance between work and home. Of course, this meant that my pay dropped as well so we had to manage things at home a little differently.
Ultimately, the choice was perfect. I spent time with my son before his early bedtime and I still felt great working and learning new things. Because I was lined up with my values there was no feeling guilty for not being with my son while I was at work. Likewise, there was no regret for not working. I had just enough of both to keep me balanced.
This is just one example of how considering your values can help you make the choices that are best for you.
Define your personal values
Defining your values is personal to you. There are many common values people have but not everyone has all of the same values. The best place to start is to think about what makes you feel good. Generally, when you are feeling good about things it is a good indicator that you are living a life that is true to you….true to your values.
Below are a few tips to help you define your values:
1. What makes you feel good?
Identifying what makes you feel good gives you a great starting point for what you value.
Take a look at your past experiences and note which ones “felt” the best. Focus on the feeling. When you feel good about something and you like it, that means you value it. Define those feelings and write them down. Those are your values.
One of my personal values is calmness
Recently, my husband and I went to a beach town not too far away from us. I took a vacation day from work and we went while the kids were in school. Sitting in the sun and looking out at the ocean I asked him why we never did this before. The town is not that far from our house and I have plenty of vacation time. It just never occurred to me how much I value the calmness I felt around the ocean air, the sound of the waves and the good conversation. I felt refreshed and relaxed when we arrived back at home.
Thinking back, I realized that many of my best experiences were when I felt calm and relaxed. With three children, a husband, two dogs and a job, I think I missed giving any attention to that particular value. I now nurture it by meditating, taking long walks, playing in the garden and yes…heading to the beach with my husband when we have a chance.
2. Vision – what do you want?
Another way to determine your values is to look at what you want in life, and dream a little. Your vision, which is your desired outcome, can give you a good indication of your values. Just remember to focus on the feeling that you get when you think about that vision.
For example, if your vision is to own a sports car then get a very clear picture of that sports car to look at. Or better yet, go to the auto lot and feel that sports car. Sit inside of it and take it for a test drive.
What feeling does this give you? Do you feel proud that you earned it? Do you feel accomplished? Are you feeling the fun you will have when driving it? Define all of those feelings. Those are your values. Pride, accomplishment, and fun.
Or, maybe you feel that people will envy you? Do you value being envied? You may find that it doesn’t feel like anything at all, in which case there may be no value. Maybe you only want the sports car because your co-worker bought one. Is there value for you in that? Be honest with yourself and determine what is important to you.
3. Search personal values online
The web offers a ton of lists that can help you determine personal values. If you are really feeling stuck, check it out. Write down all of the words that resonate with you and then try to narrow it down to 5 or fewer that have the most meaning. Having too many can confuse you.
You can download this worksheet to help you:
I suggest writing down why these values are meaningful for you and give some examples of experiences you had in your life that support these values. By doing this, you will assure yourself that you are not picking a value that you think you should have. Doing that will not help you. Your value is personal.
Final words
Personally, I would use a combination of all three tips above to determine your values. You will find that your past, present, and future all have indicators as to who you are and what you like. I emphasize focusing on the feelings you have with experiences. The good feelings are what you want more of so be sure to label those as your values and consider them with all choices you make in life.
Thanks for reading!
Stay balanced,
Jill